Blogger Paper and The Quotes.

Song: 'Remembering You' -- by: Steve Curtis Chapman (One helluva good song Stevie!)



Ah Hell... what the HELL is with used-to-be-really-rockin' bands lately??


Okay, so this really angry notion of mine was all started with me buying the latest CD of The Strokes, First Impression of Earth. I mean c'mon, it's The Strokes, the only rockin' band whose lead vocalist even know who the hell Rumi is (and even got inspired by him). From years of experience, I always knew I'll like their music, their songs... y'know, whatever sh*t they've recorded. I always, always do. And before their latest CD got released, I knew that their latest single 'Juicebox' has leaked and it was everywhere on the net... BUT I didn't download it 'cuz it was in that stupid OGG format. I don't even know what the hell does that mean.



The CD's first single--the one that got leaked-- is called Juicebox. When I first listened to it, I went 'What the hell--?? What is this??! They sounded like a lousy, hardcore version of Rooney now with all those digital, computerized (whatever you call it) sounds!!!' and I was soooo disappointed. And comments similar to above were spitting their way out through the next tracks! The only Stroke-ish song that humanized me that time was the last track, Red Light, because it sounded right for The Strokes CD. AAAAGH...!!! I was so pissed off!! What is with you, Jules??


So I decided to stick with Franz Ferdinand instead now... at least they're true to their genre. And also with Steve Curtis Chapman of course, Irish sounds just never fail me. (Haste to the Wedding, Old Hag... what a gift to the gifted ears.) You know another songs that I'll always, always like? Aerosmith's Jaded. I like the video too... especially the part when the mirror asked the girl what she wanted, and the girl wrote 'To Feel' on the mirror. When I first saw that scene, suddenly I felt liberated. I'm not alone. Whoever made that damn video had ever been in my shoes. (Jadi inget Serendipity...)


There are many, many times when I feel like jumping out of my body and just run free and scream on the top of my lungs, as free as I can be. So many, because really, I'm so confused of myself. Like lately, I have this really drastic emotional changes. I got annoyed by little things, and if the continuity persisted I could've exploded inside while cursing every single innocent being that passes my way. And the cursing just gets better and better each day.


'Hi, pighead! I want you die.' , 'Move over you stupid w****!!!', 'Oh how nice... just keep badmouthing until you die. You're good at it.' , 'Another pathetic being that's not helping...', 'Oh, hello two-faced maggot! I thought you've been killed.' , and it's getting more and more sadistic. (as in how this maggot die. Y'know, got hit by a truck, burried alive... my favorite one will be decapitated by something blunt.)


(yah, gini nih kalo kebanyakan baca Sunako... hehehe. NUNU! Hayo tanggung jawab!! I got addcited bow... :P )


Tapi udah gitu, if the problems passed away, gue jadi Euphoria gitu. I got this weird, manic thing in my every movement. I jumped in joy a little, I smiled gleefully, I laughed normally --and loudly-- with my friends.... GOOD GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEE???!!!
Oh yeah. Manic- Depressive disorder. I should've known. (AAAAAAGH....!!!! Makhluk macam apa aku ini??? Bahkan bergaul dengan para Euphorian dari ketawa-ketiwi city pun aku bisa depresi!!!)


Oh, and one other thing, if I were at campus and hangin' out with my friends... I'm normal. (Or at least I look normal) But if I'm home, especially when I'm alone in my room... it's another me that's coming out, y'know. The girl that is so angry, so depressed, so tired that all she can do is lie down silently on her bed. Even if some tears were falling down, it'd make no difference for her. She felt nothing, just numbness. No energy, no will to live or to move on. Just tired. Very, very tired. And she was alone.



Weird ain't it? I'm powerful in what I'm thinking, yet I'm also very, very fragile. (OH NO!!! Udah manic-depressive, double personality pula, udah gitu suspect adanya gejala OCD --Obsesive-Compulsive Disorder--, kalo panik suka hiperbola, maag sering kumat, alergi ini-itu, sering vertigo, pingsan dan kram.... AAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!! MAKHLUK MACAM APA AKU INIII????!!) Tak lucu kalo ada tambahan penyakit lagi.... duh, pinggang kok jadi gatel2 ya?


AAAAAAAAAGGGGH....!!!! TIDAAAAAAAKKKKKK....!!!!!


Sebenernya gue juga ga ngerti (lha, kok jadi in Indonesian??), what is it that I feel tired of? Campus work? Personal live at home? Personal live at campus? My precious thoughts? My never-ending-and-keep-evolving-instead questions about the world and its so-called owners? The people around me? The people that is not around me? What is it? I do not know. I don't even know if the thing that I'm holding onto as my guide is really the right thing to rely on. I don't have enough strength, Morrie. I worry a lot about everything. I have a big, big dreams, Sylvia... but what's the value of that today? (Oh btw, I've been long suspecting that the main character of Bell Jar is actually you, Sylvia. Am I right? And why did you comit suicide anyway?)


What to do then?


What to do?



"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it." -- Morrie.

"What I fear most, I think, is the death of Imagination. If I sit and don't do anything, the world goes on beating like a slack drum, without meaning. We must be moving, working, making dreams to run toward; the poverty of life without dreams is too horrible to imagine" -- Sylvia Plath.