Ragged night.

Song: 'Crazy Beat' -- by: Blur


Horrorisme? Wahahahahah... --> Yes, this goes to you, Goody back!

How 'bout now? Better? (If yes, berarti your comment harus lebih bermutu!!) :P About the backgroud yang hitam nan kelam... sorry, can't change it.

Btw, concerning the whole Oryx thing, I've searched the net, AND! It's not a kebo or a kambing, y'know, it's an antelope. What? What do you mean 'what's an antelope?'? It's some sort of a deer, but bigger and it has two long horns (and they're straight, not curvy). 411, antelope is one of them rare species left on earth, so I say it pretty much describes my being... if you know what I mean. ;)

This morning was F**in' hell. Probably you wonder what in the name of Merlin am I doing with such song at 11 PM? I could've listened to something more soothing like Stacey Kent's... Well, I'm torturing myself, that's what's happening. Because this morning is hell, why not end it with an equally stressing hell as well? I'd die happy in fake perfection that way.

What happened was, I'm sick and tired of being nice. It gets you nowhere. I dunno if this is the bitter side of me or the satanism inside me... either way, it stressed me a lot. What's happening now is I'm all alone in my room, torturing myself with crappy songs, my hands are sweating coldly, my head is spinning like one of those vertigos you have a few seconds before you fainted, and I feel like throwing up. But hell, here I am in front of my computer, creating my own room of pain. How joyous a night could be.

It confuses me the way people behave. The ignorance and all that jazz... who the hell do they think they are? Robert DeNiro? (He's not even that good, for Goodness' sake.) Now that I stop, turn around and look back, I realize how I've been trying too hard on everything. I have a serious trouble in adapting, that I aware of, but why trying so hard to fit in if you're born to stand out?

Maybe it's because--whether you realize it or not--being different is a sin to this world we're living in. If there's anything that people could not accept, it'd be diversity, not crime. That's why this time, from the very beginning, I'm no longer trying. Because being fake is tiring.

Old friend, you said the person you thought you knew very well turned out to be the biggest stranger in your life. Yes, at first I went 'How could that be?', but now I can see where your point was, and you were right. I don't know who I am anymore.

But the question is, does that really matter?



And yeah, I should stop here.