My worries are proven wrong!

Song: 'Why Do Today What You Can Do Tomorrow?' -- by: Jamie Cullum


Right on, Jamie! :P

Anyways...yeah, as the title said, my worries are proven wrong!!! :D Stupid thing, really... I mean, have you ever been like really worried about something but then it turns out that nothing bad has actually happened? That it's actually you who became a sick paranoid and get over-worried on simply everything--including the nggak penting ones?? And that you feel extremely stupid when you realize it, so stupid that you want to kill yourself for your unforgivable stupidity???

Why do I have to mingle myself into this bunch of crap?

Mia's father said that bravery isn't the absence of fear, but it's knowing and realizing that there's something much more important than the fear itself. (And if there's anything I learned from the clinic, it would be: 'Fear brings you nowhere.' Another easier-to-be-said-than-done material, I know.)

I suppose he's right. A movie called Savage Kids also taught me the same thing.

(Talking about movie, why can't I find Little Voice and Virgin Suicides in them piracy market? Why? Why?? Why??? They're brilliant movies. If you hate them, die.)

But concerning bravery, prakteknya ituuu... susah sekaliii... (to me, at least). I've got too many fears. What had happened, and what's been happening, left some deep scars, really. It's like if you stripped me down emotionally, all you get is anger and pain. I don't know how on earth did I survive these past years with those two stabbing me from inside.

And nobody realizes it. Man, I could make a damn good actress!

Sure the pain and anger brought me to this stage i'm standing on. While girls my age are worried about their boyfriend, I'm worried about my state of internal balance. Call me abnormal if you have to, but how could I move on if I don't even have my very own inner peace? How could I move along if I'm still very, very mad at myself for being so fragile and unstable, and falling too much in love with myself at the same time?

(But then again, if what you call normal is hanging out at the mall and gossiping with your so-called friends about who's dating who and who's cheating who, then I'd rather be abnormal.)

Great pain makes great art, my best friend once told me. What an odd way to soothe a devastated friend, don't you think? Funny how bitterness could heal. I think I've spent the past couple of years with denial, y'know, because I fear the truth. Because the truth is, I don't want any truth. But in the end of the day, when the hypocricy has gone, the truth is what I'm facing and there's just no way out.

...God, give me strength.


Oh well, c'est la vie. I better sleep now.